Dear, d(readful)ear Love

~Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale~

I’m not sure why I’m writing this post. I’m no expert on love and relationships, much as I’d love to believe so. Maybe I’m writing this because it’s wedding season and every single person I know is ‘getting hitched’ or ‘biting the dust’. I dread opening Facebook because this (and some bashing of the new POTUS which actually makes for a pretty comical read) is all that is plastered over my newsfeed!

Your kindergarten / school classmate, old college mate, old friend turned foe, coworker, your friend’s brother that you had a crush on, your ex.. everybody’s either getting engaged, married or popping out babies. Where are they finding all these apparent soulmates? Is everybody getting married for love? Or was it arranged? Do they love their arranged marriage partner or are they being forced into it? Are they even really ready? Are you ever really ready? Are they as happy as they claim to be on social media? Do we really get our fairytale and live happily ever after?

Who the hell knows. Ask a new couple and they’ll give you a dreamy answer. Ask a married couple and they’ll tell you never to get married. And then maybe there are some in between..

~Eventually soul mates meet for they have the same hiding place~ Robert Brault

Where does one find this soulmate? Are these our options – Tinder and similar, Shaadi.com, Your aunt’s daughter’s nephew’s aunty’s brother’s child’s doctor (don’t bother making sense of this), Your gossip indulgent neighbour, A relative or a friend, Or is it your destiny/ luck that sends this person waltzing into your life?

*Apparent soulmate waltzes in*

All right, so this person has been locked in. What comes next? Assumably you date them for a while. Then I ask you what a while is. A few weeks/ months/ years. Oh but you can’t date them for too many years because “log kya kahenge”? How do you decide that this is ‘the one’? Do you write down all their qualities and weigh the pros and cons or do you go with that ‘gut feeling’? Will your friends like them? Will your parents approve? Log kya kahenge? Will panditji say “haan”? Will your kundalis match? Does anyone even care that maybe you don’t rely on / believe in this piece of paper? Or if you do believe in this and it says galat jodi, will you let go of your love?

Your movies, books, even Disney will have you believe that you get married for love. After all, life with your best friend, your companion, your soulmate sounds like a joy ride doesn’t it? Zone out of that happy place and the people around you will give you a reality check. Opinions are available a dime a dozen but there isn’t a soul that can guarantee that you will be happy for the rest of your life, probably even your own. But everyone knows best except you *insert major eye rolling*.

Enough about people though. Let’s talk about this soulmate. What is a soulmate anyway? According to a little research:

i. The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, thats not the one. When you meet your soulmate, you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.

ii. What’s a soulmate? It’s like a best friend or more. It’s the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. That someone who makes you a better person, no, actually they don’t make you a better person. You do that by yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone you carry with you forever. It’s one person who knew you, accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love them and nothing could ever change that.

Really? Does this really exist? Or in the age of Tinder has this concept been flushed down the drain, because I sure as hell can’t remember the last time somebody told me they had found their soulmate (at the risk of sounding like a pessimist). I’ve read numerous articles on self love and the fact that you only get the kind of love you think you deserve. But what if you do think you deserve the best but don’t exactly get it? Do you let that love go or do you hold on to it because you’re 27 and ab toh umar ho gayi hai and you don’t know if you’ll find love again? Do you convince yourself that nobody really ever gets what they truly want and that you have to compromise on a few things.. does this mean you’re settling? Or do you decide to wait? Does this mean that the people that find it difficult to love themselves don’t deserve the best? Is this when your ‘soulmate’ walks into your life and teaches you to love yourself? Self love articles will have you believe otherwise when they say that one can only love you if you love yourself. But what if you don’t know how to? Does this mean that you’ll lead a loveless life? Is it so wrong if someone waltzes in and teaches you to value yourself? Does that make you meek and dependent? Or sometimes it’s okay if you need a little help..

If only I had even one answer to my rant. This love-shove business is so baffling, I need a cup of hot tea. I still don’t know why I’m writing this but I do know for a fact that I delayed writing about this topic for a while because isse padhkar log kya kahnge? Will aunties call up my Mum and ask her if everything is ok with me? Haha this is going to be fun.

Coming up soon – Arranged Marriage or Auditions for Biwi’s Got Talent!

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Memories Are Made Of These

We’ve fought and made up
We’ve agreed and so often disagreed
But no matter what,
We love and we share
We respect and we care
Our bond dearest brother is so beautiful and deep
Even though you’ve so often made me weep!

Your brother will always be your very own superhero, and your sister your biggest confidant. Celebrate this beautiful bond with Team Parcelled.in this Raksha Bandhan. Take a look at their very special video dedicated to this beautiful relation.

 
Embrace the spirit of Raksha Bandhan and surprise your sibling with their favourite something because for Parcelled.in, distance means nothing, when someone means everything 🙂

An Old Goodbye and a New Hello

So, what’s in a date? 1st January 2015 is just a new day; but since us humans have turned it into such a big deal, it calls for a mandatory, cliched post reflecting the year gone by. It’s healthy to reflect though, so here goes.

It’s funny how things changing around us on a daily basis, it all seems so normal except as the year ends, and everything is suddenly seemingly different. I know I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve just been so uninspired lately. With the passing away of my beautiful 16 year old labrador and almost losing my new puppy to a parovirus, December hasn’t really been very kind. It’s okay though, I like being a “glass is half full”  person so that’s kept me going.

2014 started off on a great note with a short trip to my beautiful Durham city for my Masters’ graduation. Mid-year we found out that our great dane was pregnant and soon she gave birth to 10 beautiful little puppies. The year also saw an incredible trip to Greece, my first independent trip so that was quite a big deal :)) and of course the birth of my baby Chai Cake & Kitsch ❤ With only 1 day left to go, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve learnt any lessons in the last 12 months. I definitely think that I’ve emerged stronger, more humble and compassionate than before.

Here are a few lessons I learnt along the way –

1. Do more of what you love

You deserve to do what you love – whether it’s your field of work or social activities, go out and do just about anything that makes you happy. It’s not easy being stuck in a job that you don’t like, or having responsibilities at home tying you down all the time. It’s healthy to do the things that make you happy. Plus on the work front if you’re doing what you love professionally, it will never actually feel like you’re working 🙂 This severely decreases the chances of a burn out so make it happen.

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I decided to start Chai Cake & Kitsch 🙂 

2. Meet more people

As fun as it maybe looking at people’s photos on Facebook, Instagram, Whats App, Snapchat, etc. there’s just way too much social media. Lost in the world of communicating via technology, we’ve forgotten what it’s like to go meet an old friend at an old school hangout or just approach someone that’s drinking coffee at the next table. I say get up, go out there and meet more people ! It’s a great idea to network, make new friends/acquaintances. You never know who you may meet and the positive influence they can have on your life. Conversing with more people is also a pretty neat way to keep your brain healthy and feeling alive. There’s a whole new world out there full of opportunities. Get out of your shell, talk to more people, explore new ideas. It will also teach you to be more compassionate and look at the world from several, completely different perspectives.

3. Travel more

Put on a blindfold, spin a globe around and pick out a new country to go visit. It’s one of the most fun ways to learn something new and immerse yourself into a different culture.

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4. Eat well and exercise more

There’s no better feeling in the world than devouring a dense chocolate cake or licking cheesecake crumbs off your plate. If you want to enjoy these things guilt-free though, you’ll have to get moving and shaking. Find exercises that make you happy and your workouts will never be dull. Take a dance class, join a spinning session or go for a run to take in some fresh air. Nothing feels as good as looking at your best self in the mirror.

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5. Communicate better

This is something that I personally need to work on. Do you believe in something strongly that others do not? Stand up for yourself, and speak up. Want to make a change in your boring routine? Get off your couch and do it. Want to make a life changing decision? Believe in yourself, plan well and do it. If you don’t, nobody can do it for you. It’s unfair to expect others around you to understand unspoken words. Communicate with your family and friends. Tell them how you feel, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

6. Never settle for anything or anyone

Whether it’s your work, friends or a love, NEVER settle for something when you feel like you deserve better. Everybody should have a chance at happiness, but only YOU can do something about it. So if you’re stuck in a job that you don’t like or your relationships don’t make you happy, you’re the only one to blame. Only you are responsible for your own happiness and for the way you feel. NEVER let anybody else be in charge of that.

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7. Learn to let go

This is never easy, but it’s possible. Whether you’re mending a broken heart, you lost out on a great work opportunity or you lost someone, you have to learn to let go, because eventually life has to move on. A friend of mine sent me a really beautiful article, excerpts of which I’m going to put down here –

Sooner or later, someone you know will disappoint you in some way. They’ll say something or fail to say something that will hurt or anger you. It’s inevitable. Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone’s words and deeds. The more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you’ll get. You’ll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. You’ll find your productivity slowing down, you might even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings. In other words, other people do not “cause” your feelings. You choose them. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do. Then, you’ve got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT AND LET GO! AND FORGIVE.  

It’s difficult to do, but it’s possible. It’s difficult, especially when the other person doesn’t deserve your forgiveness or doesn’t even seek it. It’s difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong. Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the other person’s behaviour is okay. And forgiveness doesn’t mean that the other person is off the hook. He’s still responsible for his misbehaviour. Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It’s about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It’s about letting go of the past so you can look forward to the future. Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you’ll be way ahead of most people.

Finally, here’s to a better 2015 – abundant with good health, happiness and love. Wishing you all a very Happy New Year ! xx

Life As I Know It

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A lot of my lovely followers have been very kind in asking who the dogs on Chai Cake and Kitschs’ cover photo are. They’re a huge part of our family and an even bigger part of my heart.
To the top left is my Labrador Buddy, who we lost in 2009, the top right is my Great Dane Elsa, who we lost in 2012. May they rest in peace. We miss you both and love you the same even today. Then there are our extremely friendly and loveable labs again, Ori and Princess. Our beagle Floppy is forever playing the mischief but is a complete doll, and finally, Max and Fila, our gorgeous Great Danes just became proud parents to 10 adorable new members of our family!

Challenge for the month – Who’s Accepting ?

Let’s face it. Getting back to your daily routine after an awesome holiday sucks. I’m back from Greece and back to the grind but, the silver lining here is that thankfully, I haven’t put on any weight. I do however, need to get back to my workout and diet routines. So I found these two challenges hidden in the workout folder on my laptop and I plan on taking them up.

Note: 18th September – 17th October

Who’s with me ?

I’ll be sure to post my results after the month end.

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