Dear, d(readful)ear Love

~Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale~

I’m not sure why I’m writing this post. I’m no expert on love and relationships, much as I’d love to believe so. Maybe I’m writing this because it’s wedding season and every single person I know is ‘getting hitched’ or ‘biting the dust’. I dread opening Facebook because this (and some bashing of the new POTUS which actually makes for a pretty comical read) is all that is plastered over my newsfeed!

Your kindergarten / school classmate, old college mate, old friend turned foe, coworker, your friend’s brother that you had a crush on, your ex.. everybody’s either getting engaged, married or popping out babies. Where are they finding all these apparent soulmates? Is everybody getting married for love? Or was it arranged? Do they love their arranged marriage partner or are they being forced into it? Are they even really ready? Are you ever really ready? Are they as happy as they claim to be on social media? Do we really get our fairytale and live happily ever after?

Who the hell knows. Ask a new couple and they’ll give you a dreamy answer. Ask a married couple and they’ll tell you never to get married. And then maybe there are some in between..

~Eventually soul mates meet for they have the same hiding place~ Robert Brault

Where does one find this soulmate? Are these our options – Tinder and similar,, Your aunt’s daughter’s nephew’s aunty’s brother’s child’s doctor (don’t bother making sense of this), Your gossip indulgent neighbour, A relative or a friend, Or is it your destiny/ luck that sends this person waltzing into your life?

*Apparent soulmate waltzes in*

All right, so this person has been locked in. What comes next? Assumably you date them for a while. Then I ask you what a while is. A few weeks/ months/ years. Oh but you can’t date them for too many years because “log kya kahenge”? How do you decide that this is ‘the one’? Do you write down all their qualities and weigh the pros and cons or do you go with that ‘gut feeling’? Will your friends like them? Will your parents approve? Log kya kahenge? Will panditji say “haan”? Will your kundalis match? Does anyone even care that maybe you don’t rely on / believe in this piece of paper? Or if you do believe in this and it says galat jodi, will you let go of your love?

Your movies, books, even Disney will have you believe that you get married for love. After all, life with your best friend, your companion, your soulmate sounds like a joy ride doesn’t it? Zone out of that happy place and the people around you will give you a reality check. Opinions are available a dime a dozen but there isn’t a soul that can guarantee that you will be happy for the rest of your life, probably even your own. But everyone knows best except you *insert major eye rolling*.

Enough about people though. Let’s talk about this soulmate. What is a soulmate anyway? According to a little research:

i. The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, thats not the one. When you meet your soulmate, you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.

ii. What’s a soulmate? It’s like a best friend or more. It’s the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. That someone who makes you a better person, no, actually they don’t make you a better person. You do that by yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone you carry with you forever. It’s one person who knew you, accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love them and nothing could ever change that.

Really? Does this really exist? Or in the age of Tinder has this concept been flushed down the drain, because I sure as hell can’t remember the last time somebody told me they had found their soulmate (at the risk of sounding like a pessimist). I’ve read numerous articles on self love and the fact that you only get the kind of love you think you deserve. But what if you do think you deserve the best but don’t exactly get it? Do you let that love go or do you hold on to it because you’re 27 and ab toh umar ho gayi hai and you don’t know if you’ll find love again? Do you convince yourself that nobody really ever gets what they truly want and that you have to compromise on a few things.. does this mean you’re settling? Or do you decide to wait? Does this mean that the people that find it difficult to love themselves don’t deserve the best? Is this when your ‘soulmate’ walks into your life and teaches you to love yourself? Self love articles will have you believe otherwise when they say that one can only love you if you love yourself. But what if you don’t know how to? Does this mean that you’ll lead a loveless life? Is it so wrong if someone waltzes in and teaches you to value yourself? Does that make you meek and dependent? Or sometimes it’s okay if you need a little help..

If only I had even one answer to my rant. This love-shove business is so baffling, I need a cup of hot tea. I still don’t know why I’m writing this but I do know for a fact that I delayed writing about this topic for a while because isse padhkar log kya kahnge? Will aunties call up my Mum and ask her if everything is ok with me? Haha this is going to be fun.

Coming up soon – Arranged Marriage or Auditions for Biwi’s Got Talent!

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